We invite students to submit their romantic qualms and a love correspondent will respond with advice.
Dearest La Voz,
It is with great distress that I put quill to parchment (or, rather, fingers to keyboard) to lament a most troubling state of my affairs or, more accurately, the utter lack thereof. One would assume that within the lively campus of De Anza, where ambition thrives and intellect is in no short supply, romance too would flourish. And yet, dear editors, I find myself most grievously disappointed by the appalling absence of proper courtship, dare I say — lack of suitable huzz.
Once, a gentleman might have composed poetry, dueled at dawn or braved a storm to confess his affections. Now, I fear we reside in an era where “rizz” is hailed as the mark of a true suitor, yet its presence is rarer than an unoccupied parking spot in the Flint Garage.
Tell me, dear La Voz, how is a young lady meant to navigate a world where introductions are feared, eye contact is avoided and potential suitors would sooner like one’s post than dare to approach in person? Must we resign ourselves to admiration from afar, doomed to be mere spectators in another’s love story? Or is there yet hope for those of us who seek a grand, sweeping romance in a world that seems content with half-hearted pursuits and uncertain intentions?
I await your guidance with a heart both hopeful and exasperated.
Yours in longing and lingering expectation,
Lady of Ivy Meadows of Bananagrove Lane
Dear Lady of Ivy Meadows of Bananagrove Lane,
I would like to thank you for charming me with your mesmerizing language. I know many young women have pondered this exact situation. While I worked on this response, asking friends, coworkers and strangers if chivalry is dead — they all agreed, yes — well, rather it’s dying.
Sometimes it seems as though common courtesy has skipped millennials and younger, and we are at risk of losing it completely. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t still find it.
It seems like to you, it is the “courting period” that you’re missing most — the Jane Austen yearning of a man making the first move with a rose in hand instead of that “u up?” text at 2 a.m.
The women I know who are with “chivalrous men” said they had to be pricked by a thousand thorns before they found a rose, so do not feel discouraged.
The one common factor was that they found their person once they started dating outside of their usual type. If you notice none of the guys you typically talk to are adequate, you might be looking in the wrong place.
There was something else about all these women: they all made the first move in their relationships. They sought love from shy people, meaning they had to be the forward one.
I often find that those who approach me, hardly knowing me, aren’t my type either. Rather, it is the seemingly shy ones who prioritize being respectful.
So, if you desire a Mr. Darcy type, I fear you must be much bolder than Elizabeth, at least at first. Their partners may now possess all the other characteristics you deem chivalrous, but they didn’t make the first move.
The men I spoke to prefer women to make the first move. Terms like “miscommunication,” “insecurity,” and “confidence,” commonly came up in conversation. They say life is a lot easier when the women are forward and set the tone.
And take things offline. Miscommunication is minimized when conversations shift away from texting, especially when you are still in the “get to know you” stage of things.
Taking another page from “Pride and Prejudice,” it was not love at first sight — relationships take time. Don’t enter the introductory stage of a relationship with high expectations, hoping to be treated as though they’re head-over-heels — you may miss what is right in front of you.
You can find a man who asks you out first, or you can be the risk taker. Writing as a girl who has never made the first move and realizes how terrifying it might be, I still say go for it.
You seem to know what you want, so the only way to avoid merely longing after others’ love stories is to reject the spectator role.
