We invite students to submit their romantic qualms and a love correspondent will respond with advice.
Dear La Voz news,
There’s this person who makes me feel amazing when I’m around them. They’re charming, really sweet and hanging out with them is always fun.
I don’t like them like that, but it feels like I’m losing them as a friend and they’re drifting, and there’s not much I can do without coming off like I do. What makes this more complicated is that there’s someone who it looks like they like, and I feel like I’m always getting in between the two whenever I’m around both of them (for context, all three of us are in a bigger friend group together).
It’s gotten to the point that it feels like a one-sided friendship, where I’m the only one who wants to hang out. I know it’s not like that — they’re just not too social and they only really hang out when invited — and I try not to get jealous, but I don’t know what to do anymore. What can I do to salvage my friendship with them without coming off as though I’m trying to be romantic?
Sometimes a friendship can feel more important than any other sort of relationship, and thus, it can be just as heartbreaking, so please know your feelings are fully valid.
It seems like you are really worried about platonic emotions being viewed as romantic. This could mean that, historically, you looked like you were flirting when you weren’t, or you simply have never felt this strongly about a friendship before.
Either way, taking the time to worry about it is very limiting. Try to think beyond the perspective of strong emotions being viewed as romantic and own them.
It is moments like these that make me wish that I could have a conversation with you to get a better understanding,
To fix your friendship I recommend treating the cause, you know best, if you know that your friend likes for others to initiate plans, feel reassured in that. Take the time to plan a friend date, just with them or with your entire friend group. I recommend visiting something chill and low stakes like an open mic night or a boba place.
However, if you want things to change, communicate that you want your friend to take a more proactive stance.
The best thing to do when someone takes a step back in your life is not to chase after them, but use it as an opportunity to fill your time with other things and learn to feel complete as a person.
Esteemed reader, please do not cling on to people as a life raft. Remind yourself that every quality you value in your friend you are able to find in someone else or even yourself. Let this moment be a reminder that you should feel comfortable even while you are alone.
Speaking as a girl who mourned the loss of a friendship a few years ago, I recommend taking the time to still let yourself indulge all your feelings. I took my time and ate lots of ice cream, then called up my best friend, went out and had fun.
Don’t jump to conclusions and assume your friendship is over, but rather that it’s evolving. Take this as a sign to grow on your own.