La Voz
To many college students, adversity is turning in a midterm late, not getting into the right college, struggling to pay bills, or, in these times, struggling to find a job.
To Paulette Cole, adversity is much more than turning in a paper late.
Too preoccupied with vital blood and platelet transfusions to continue with school, too weary to work long periods of time and rendered bald from two rounds of cancer treatment, Cole has endured more hardships than some people will see in their entire lives.
But this mother of two keeps smiling through the difficulties with the unrelenting belief that life will only get better, as she confidently searches for a much-needed bone marrow donor.
Thanks to the Child Development Center, though, she may find one in a De Anza student or faculty member Feb. 12, when the center will hold a bone marrow drive in her honor.
“Our program here is not just to meet children’s’ needs, but families’ needs,” said Debbie Zavodnick, Child Development Center site supervisor. “So, any time we have a family that needs assistance, whether it’s housing, food, counseling, medical help or anything, we help parents connect to whatever resources they need. [Cole] needs help in finding a bone marrow match, so we’re using all the resources that we can get our hands on to assist her with that.”
Cole’s five-year-old son, Richard, and three-year-old daughter, Katie, currently attend the center’s preschool program, and Cole participates as an active member of its Parent Support Group.
“I think she’s going to be fine. I have no doubt we’ll find a match. And if not, we’ll just keep doing this as many times as we need to,” said Zavodnick.
IN THE BEGINNING …
In October 2001, after the unusual observations of fatigue and slight bruising were brought up at a casual doctor’s visit, Cole was diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndrome, a group of disorders characterized by bone marrow dysfunction that lead to low blood cell counts. Although other treatment options may help, the only known cure for MDS is a bone marrow transplant.
“Overall, it was shock and disbelief. Everyone kept saying, ‘You’re a mother of two. Of course you’re going to be tired,'” said Cole. “I was pretty much in a state of shock … but eventually acceptance came.”
Between frequent transfusions and hospital trips and her ever-increasing fatigue, Cole decided to suspend her studies temporarily, withdrawing from school.
In March 2002, she was also diagnosed with leukemia. With another reality check, Cole gained perspective on what was important in her life.
“I knew that hospitalization would be coming up, so I decided to spend a lot more time with my children. That’s been really nice — sitting down, getting on the floor and playing with them,” she said. “Before, I was more of a caretaker than I was involved with them. I would do things with them, but certainly not as much as I do now.”
Determined to take a proactive role in her recovery, Cole, with the help of friends and family, organized a bone marrow drive in her own Willow Glen community this past September. Although 137 potential donors showed up, there were no matches for Cole, but she remains hopeful that one of them could be a match for another patient.
FINDING STRENGTH:
A CIRCLE OF SUPPORT
In January 2002, Cole and her family had decided to “go public” with her condition.
“We wrote a nice letter to let people know, hey, I got this problem,” she said. “The response we got was overwhelming. People are just so kind; it took me aback.”
Cole took in the kind words of hope and support from her friends, and with their help, maintained her own positive outlook.
“I remember before I was ever diagnosed with any of this. When I would hear that someone had cancer, I would think, ‘Oh my God, they got the death sentence.’ Now that I’m faced with it, I don’t feel that way. I do have my dark moments, and sometimes they’re longer than moments, but overall, it’s like, oh no, I’m going to lick this,” said Cole. “I don’t know where that comes from. I believe in God, but I think having people around that support me helps the most to keep me in that state of mind.”
Cole was especially touched in the summer of 2002 during hospitalization, when one of her nurses expressed a strong conviction of hope to her, insisting that one day Cole will find a match and survive her condition.
“She went through this whole explanation, and I thought, wow. This person, pretty much a stranger, is thinking all these good thoughts for me, and I realize that all this good stuff is just around me. It’s not just hope; it’s belief. And that’s very encouraging,” said Cole.
ACCEPTANCE: IT’S ALL
ABOUT THE ATTITUDE
“Even now, I don’t get angry. Sure it bothers me that we, my family, have to go through this, but it’s part of our life,” said Cole.
After the initial shock of the diagnosis, Cole soon learned the necessity of accepting the changes this new life called for, including helping her children adapt to her condition.
“I know it weighs on them, and my son is very aware of it. Recently he said, ‘I know you’re going to be in the hospital for a lot of weekends.’ I told him, ‘You know what? We don’t need to worry about that. Let’s just worry about today.'”
By staying open and honest with her children, Cole hopes they will learn from the experience, without being dragged down by it.
“The big thing is that once everything is over with, we’re all going to Disneyland!”
Cole’s family and friends, including Zavodnick, recognize her surprisingly uplifted attitude and, in turn, have faith that she will find the donor she needs.
“I know that inside it’s a real struggle for her, but on the outside she hasn’t changed much. She’s always been a positive, really good-humored person, and she still is that way,” Zavodnick said. “She’s very courageous, very positive. She knows it’s going to happen. She’s going to find a match.”
THE LESSONS
“Your life is what you make of it,” said Cole. “Depending on who you are and how things go for you, this could be devastating. What I’d like people to realize is that they have more strength than they [know].”
As with many life-threatening experiences, Cole’s values have changed as she has learned to survive the cancer.
“I live more in the moment … time doesn’t pass as quickly as it used to. I just take things slower,” said Cole. “I think I’m more forgiving, too. Some things just aren’t important enough to stay angry over.”
Cole also stresses the importance of being a self-advocate in the face of illness, especially during hospital stays.
“It’s unfortunate that we have to do these things sometimes, because you’re sick; you don’t feel good; you want to be taken care of; but you still need to take care of yourself.”
THE DRIVE: A GIFT
OF LIFE
“When you think of somebody’s life, like Paulette’s, it’s not just her. It’s her husband, her children, her sister, and all the family and friends that she’s connected to. It’s not just her life at stake; her children need her.” said Zavodnick. “By being a donor, it’s not one life you affect, because each person is connected to many other people.”
The bone marrow drive will be held on Feb. 12 from 11 a.m. – 2 p.m. in the Hinson Campus Center. In Conference Room A, participants will first be shown a brief informational video explaining the implications of being a donor, then asked to fill out registration paperwork. All participants must provide three contact addresses of family and friends who can locate them.
Finally, the participant will have his or her finger pricked and a small amount of blood drawn. A mere five drops of blood will be sent to the National Marrow Donor Program (NMDP) data bank to be HLA-typed.
Following processing, the participant will be added to the NMDP registry, where he or she can be a potential donor to any nationwide patient seeking a transplant.
If a match is found, the participant will be contacted through the information provided at registration.
“You can save a life. The life we’re talking about is Paulette’s. But even if you’re not a match for her, you might be a match for somebody else,” said Zavodnick. “I just think, what a wonderful gift, to be able to save somebody’s life.”
INTERESTED?
The drive will be held Feb. 12 from 11 a.m. – 2 p.m. in the Hinson Campus Center’s Conference Room A. For more information about the drive, contact Debbie Zavodnick at 408-864-5794. For information about being a donor, visit www.nmdp.org.
