I blame President John F. Kennedy, he didn’t wear a hat. That’s how things start. Or maybe it was Steve Jobs. He invented the casual workplace we all love. But that’s really not fair; Steve Jobs and Kennedy didn’t know you. In fact, the cause of your inability to properly dress yourself may never be known, but it needs to be rectified.

For instance, pajama pants are not to be worn outside the house unless you are picking up the daily paper or taking out the trash. Like a bathrobe, wearing them in public is something that is born out of necessity. You just woke up and you haven’t had time to change. If you show up at the store in pajama pants it’s because you are buying Draino to unclog your shower. 

When you show up to class in a stylish shirt properly layered over a matching tank top, you did your hair and you freshly shaved and/or you put on makeup, you are no longer in a hurry. 

You should not be in gym shorts unless you literally just came from the gym and girls, no, tights/yoga pants aren’t acceptable either. 

First, tights are not yoga pants; they were never meant to be worn without accompanying layers. Wearing tights and a shirt is only slightly less revealing than wearing just a shirt and underwear, and you wouldn’t do that would you? Second, yoga pants are a reward for an active lifestyle, not a substitute for a jar of liquid latex.

What do you think it says about your perceived level of self-respect if you can’t be bothered to put on actual clothing that hasn’t been stewing in your smelly genital sweat for hours? You look like you have no respect for yourself or others down-wind of you — not that you’re just naturally that casual. It’s not an image you want people to have of you.

I’m not saying men should wear ties all day, or women should be obsessed with stockings to the point of coloring their legs with grease like they did in the ‘30s, but just run down a checklist: Did you take a shower? Did you brush your teeth? Did you do your hair or shave? You might as well put on pants.