Welcome to La Botomy, La Voz’s satire publication whose name was voted on in the De Anza Discord server.
Disclaimer: In case it isn’t obvious, this is satire. We made this up.
We invite you to read this piece with an open(ed) mind.
The gender-neutral bathroom in the L quad has been locked following the fire last school year, drawing outrage from transgender, nonbinary, and gender nonconforming students across De Anza.
“As a nonbinary person, I deserve to be able to p-ss like everyone else,” Yuri Nader, 20, an animation major, said. “The L quad’s bathroom was the closest gender-neutral bathroom to the animation lab, and now it’s closed entirely? Now I either need to rush over to Panda Express, or just p-ss in the alley by the ATI building and hope no one sees me.”
“It was bad enough that it got set on fire,” Vivian Tran, 18, a computer science major, said. “But now we can’t even gawk at the melted light fixtures while we pee. At least it was slightly better to look at than the Nazi graffiti in some of the other bathrooms.”
Some students, however, say they are unbothered by the issue.
“I really don’t see what the problem is,” Hunter Christiansen, 19, a business administration major, said. “Can’t they just pee their pants in class like I do? The janitors will just clean it up. That’s their job, right?”
“I think it’s good they have to suffer a bit,” Jack Wadd, 22, an accounting major, said. “The transgenders- I mean, transgender people have had it too good for too long. When will there be a day of remembrance for straight white men?”
When asked for comment, Holden Ittin, a representative of the school’s Urinary Services department, said. “We’re working on it, jeez. Back in my day, if you snuck off to p-ss during class, you’d be paddled in front of the entire college. Kids these days don’t realize how good they’ve got it.”
De Anza reportedly plans to replace the gender-neutral bathroom with a bucket and some shower curtains in the interim.
“With this, we administrators do our humble part in providing our transgender students with options,” De Anza representative Cissy Jenner said. “We at De Anza College stand proud with our students, staff and faculty who are part of the Great BLT community.”
As of this writing, the bucket has been installed; however, the curtains have been delayed until December 2025 due to budget constraints.
