If De Anza was a horror movie


Pati Shojaee, Staff Writer

Have you ever seen spooky things around the De Anza College campus? See a weird figure the minute the lights go out in the planetarium or heard an uneasy noise during your night class in E-33 (as if the math classes in there aren’t scary enough)? I wouldn’t be surprised. Here is a guide to use if you find yourself involved in a horror movie at De Anza.

Places to avoid if De Anza is the set of a horror movie:

California History Museum: Located near the Sunken Garden, this would be a prime place for an attack to occur, as the museum is a historical landmark and is definitely haunted by 19th Century ghosts that are inevitably allies of whatever is attacking you in the first place.

The E building: This building can be found deep in the back of De Anza, meaning that no one would be able to hear your screams. Also, math professor Edwin Njinimbam, whose office is back there, plays his radio loud enough as not to hear the faint cries of students outside.

The G building: Located in the back of the east side of De Anza, the G building is one of the oldest buildings in the college; therefore, definitely a home ghosts there too. I saw a huge spider in the bathroom over there once so just stay away.

The Planetarium: The planetarium gets so dark during astronomy classes that you can’t even see yourself fall asleep (at least that was my excuse). Definitely, not an ideal place to get caught if you’re surrounded by zombies trying to eat your brains. And let’s be honest, that kind of attack is likely considering that students here at De Anza, we have big, juicy brains.

The parking garages: They’re dark, creepy and almost empty late at night.

Places to finds solace if De Anza is the set of a horror movie:

Main quad: With plenty of places to hide behind, the main quad is the perfect place to go if you’re under attack. You can jump into the fountain and crawl up in there, or if worst comes to worst you can just run in circles and tire out the predator. Zombies are super lazy. If it’s a vampire stab him with your Ticonderoga NO. 2 pencil (just make sure to run away right after so the vampire guts don’t get all over you).

Visual and Performing Arts Center: Zombies, vampires, evil queens, serial killers, and deadly spirits hate culture, so they won’t follow you in.

The gym: all the buff dudes and gals working out are sure to help you out with the horror scene. Just have a beef cake challenge them to a weight lifting duel.

The counseling center: De Anza’s counselors will calm down your attackers, sit them down, and have a nice long chat about their behavior.

The La Voz newsroom: WE WILL HELP YOU! Just kidding, we would just use it as an opportunity for breaking news.