This is the opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect the views of La Voz News.
There is an old saying that goes, “Be careful when you point one finger at someone because three fingers might point back at you.”
In today’s world, it seems many have forgotten this wisdom and believed themselves blameless in their relationships, leading to many toxic relationships or, worse, a complete absence of one.
While many crave intimacy, we also fear vulnerability. While we long for companionship, many fear commitment. We are a culture of perpetual loneliness and despair.
According to the Pew Research Center, “In 2023, 42% of adults were unpartnered … (and) the share of adults cohabiting with an unmarried partner … (are) 7%.” While it states that the share of adults who were married increased from 50% to 51% from 2019 to 2023, there are still almost half of adults with no partners.
This marks a significant shift from decades past. For instance, in 1960, only 28% of adults were unmarried, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. This shows that there is a notable increase in the number of unpartnered adults in modern society.
With a culture that places so much emphasis on love and community, why do many feel angry and alone? Why are so many TikTok videos and Instagram Reels of women and men hating each other — calling each other “cheaters” and “liars” — flooding the internet? That quote is the answer to this question; “three fingers are pointing back at you.”
About two months ago, I was at a friend’s gathering when I overheard a girl complaining about the lack of “real men” in today’s society. “I am so sick of these nonchalant men,” she cried. “Bring back men who yearn.”
Later that night, I overheard her laughing with her friend about a guy on her phone calling him “so annoying” because he kept texting her “good morning” and “How was your day?” making him seem “desperate and needy.”
I sat there with my eyebrows raised and my forehead scrunched. I thought, “Isn’t that yearning? Isn’t that the type of man you were just begging to have a few moments ago?”
It was at this moment when I discovered the root of our culture’s issue with modern relationships — accountability.
Her binary thinking blinded her to her own faults and from the truth. She did not want a healthy, emotionally available guy, she wanted someone who reflected her own insecurities. In Stephen Chbosky’s “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” a character said, “We accept the love we think we deserve,” and I know deep down this girl believes she deserves none.
Instead of taking the accountability to fix her own emotional unavailability and self-hatred through therapy, she points the fingers at men blaming them for her poor self-worth. This need to be in a constant haven of victimhood is a coping mechanism to prevent herself from ever feeling that she’s wrong — something that is very difficult for anyone to admit.
By avoiding the hard work of self-discovery and learning from past mistakes, one can prolong meeting “the one.” A friend confessed to me that he used to live by the saying, “While waiting for the right one, have fun with the wrong ones.”
This passive and careless approach attracted other women who were also more focused on personal amusement rather than genuine connection and mutual respect.
Men often complain that many women are untrustworthy and spend every weekend at the club. As they vent to me about their frustrations with dealing with emotionally unavailable women who cheat and lie, they take a swig at their Corona with their backwards baseball caps sitting high above their head as they get ready to go to the club.
This begs the question: if you’re frustrated with women who constantly party, why do you do the same? Perhaps the emotionally available, healthy women you’re looking for aren’t interested in someone who embodies the very behavior you dislike.
Accountability is life’s greatest gift and pain. It is not easy to acknowledge that you are not exempt from making mistakes or having flaws.
It is difficult to accept that there are always two sides to every story, and in someone else’s eyes you have wronged them as much as they wronged you.
To find your dream woman, make a list of all the qualities you want in a significant other and become those qualities instead of exuding double standards and being a hypocrite.
Despite the discomfort, accountability is the only way to escape the endless cycle of isolation and hopelessness that is plaguing our modern society. So, the next time before you point your finger at someone, look at all the ones pointed at yourself first.
