I have been metaphorically inundated with exactly one request to write an opinion on San Jose’s plastic bag ban. 

I don’t want to do this. 

I don’t think it needs the time, or space, on its merits or if, judging by some, it’s just another example of Obama’s United Soviet Republic of Hitler-stan which we’ve all been living in since 2008 but we just haven’t noticed until now. 

What does deserve a space in this paper is the reactions people have toward the ban. 

Let me speak to them, if I may:

When San Francisco did this, did you have a problem with it? Did you caulk it up to the city “just being the city?” Was it novel? 

What about when they allowed Prius drivers into the carpool lane, even though they made the carpool lane useless and have a worse mile per gallon than my motorcycle? Did you agree with that? Was it progressive and green? 

Did you scream bloody murder when the state proposed banning incandescent bulbs? No? 

So let me get this straight you’re fine with inconveniencing others by destroying the carpool lane, you applaud SF for being progressive, you support the high efficiency standards which prohibit incandescent bulbs and you even own a few reusable bags (which would negate this whole issue if you just remembered them) all while being smug about it. 

So why do you hate this ban so much? Shouldn’t you love it?

Is this residual anger from losing your spot in the carpool lane to the actually efficient electric cars? 

Is it because you can’t be smug if you’re forced to do something? 

 Is it because you can’t tell your friends you’re a progressive if everyone else is saving the environment too? 

Is it because you don’t understand that simply recycling plastic is harmful for the environment or most bags are not recycled (which isn’t better) which means they impede the decomposition of trash in landfills or end up in the Texas -sized island of trash in the ocean? 

Or is it because being “green” is only worthwhile to you if it’s not inconvenient?