Here is some fashion advice from a guy who dresses a homeless man. To be more specific, I want to give some keen advice about buying fake designer bags, shoes, clothes or accessories. In a nutshell: don’t do it.

I have compiled a comprehensive list of three reasons why I believe anyone would want to buy fake designer stuff in the first place. I have also come up with three ways I believe those reasons are completely ridiculous. Before I start: some definitions. I do not want to exclude anyone, so let me clarify two terms I will be using often:

Dudes: Men or women who do not care about being fashionable or trendy.

Fashionistas: Men or women for whom fashion is number one, above all else.

The first reason I came up with why any fashionista would buy fake designer gear would be to look cute for someone else. This sounds reasonable. I think it is fair to assume that everyone would like to be considered attractive and sometimes people cannot afford the Gucci-Prada B.S.

Now let me poke a hole in this cute theory. If you are buying a cheap replica to look cute for a dude-type person, you have wasted the effort because dudes could care less whether or not you have the new-faux tote. Right? On the other side, if you were buying the forgery to look cute for a fellow fashionista, wouldn’t he or she be able to recognize that you were fronting a falsity? Either way, it is a foolish waste of money and effort.

Another reason behind purchasing fake bags would be to look rich in public. As a status symbol, I guess that sporting fancy-wear could give you an air of American nobility. But haven’t you ever heard the phrase, “If you have to ask how much it cost, you can’t afford it?” Maybe that sounds snobbish, but I think it is a great rule for us poor folk to live by. Who cares if you are broke? You don’t need to impress anyone by trying to pretend that you have disposable income.

Also, I would like to reiterate this point for you fashionistas who are buying these imposters in order to look wealthier than you are – dudes don’t care, and fellow fashionistas are going to know that you’re bluffing. If you can’t afford the real thing, do not even bother. I think it would be more embarrassing to be caught with a designer knock-off than something inexpensive.

The third reason that I can think of would be to keep on the cutting edge of new trends. If fashionistas are going to buy a fake bag to be trendy, well, I am not going to even bother with you because desiring to be trendy all the time is possibly one of the most fruitless endeavors I can imagine. And buying false copies of trendy bags, clothes or whatever is about as lame as you can get. Why not find something cheap and used?

What I am trying to point out here is that if you are not rich, cute or trendy, then you are not rich, cute or trendy. No Frauda or Niemen Bogus-counterfeit is going to help with that. Come over to the dude-side of thinking about fashion. It’s so much easier.

Our clothes, bags and shoes have elastic and Velcro. We buy things that serve utilitarian needs so you are never left with impractical issues involving storage or comfort. I tell you, it is bliss. If you’re tired of trying to keep up with today’s crappy and expensive trends, then join me in the Sweatsuit Revolution and ridicule anyone who spends the money on fake designer crap – or real designer crap, for that matter.