I’m back, despite the hopes and prayers of David Duke-like homophobes, fascists, communists and those who are sensitive to offensive material. I’m not dead yet.

In my absence, the world has continued to change a little for the better, but more for the worse. I guess this is what happens when a misanthrope with a political column is out sick for a week (thanks to a dentist who decided not to prescribe me Cipro and Vicodin after endodontic therapy).

The top story begins with the Home Office of the United Kingdom, which released a list of 22 individuals who are banned from entering the country. The list includes terrorist supporters, neo-Nazis, white supremacists, homophobes and Michael Savage.

So far, only the banning of Savage has gained media attention, since everyone else on the list was obvious (especially Fred Phelps). Such an act by the UK could serve as an example of banning individuals from entering the country who have a history of provoking ethnic tension.

America could also use such an action as way of getting rid of Fred Phelps and his cult/family. All that needs to be done is have Phelps leave the country to give some hate speech, then the nation strips him of his citizenship so he can’t return (now he becomes someone else’s problem).

Such a plan will work since Phelps is known to have supported anyone who kills Americans (so we can claim he funds terrorists) plus there is not a single soul in this country who would want to defend his rights.

Following the ban, there were hearings in Washington about health care reform. Despite Obama’s promise of universal health care, the hearings have involved the heads of the insurance companies while supporters of universal care activist and politicians were barred from the hearing. Topped with the ads that remind viewers about the evils of “long lines” and the “one step to communism.”

This has been one of the most ridiculous claims of all, because people are dumb enough to believe the lies of “long lines” put out by the American Medical Association, whose ability to butcher mass numbers rivals that of Hitler and Stalin.

Next, there was the slow news day when Donald Trump announced that Carrie Prejean will keep her title as Miss California. Prejean stirred up controversy when she voiced her opposition to same-sex marriage, followed by being involved in anti-same-sex marriage groups.

One can imagine Prejean becoming the spokeswoman of homophobia and inspiring many John Hinckley Jr.-like gay bashings. It won’t be long before the National Organization for Marriage starts passing out posters of Prejean with the caption “gay bashing turns me on.”

Finally, we shift to events in Burma (a.k.a. Myanmar) where the illegal military junta has found another excuse to extend the prison sentence of pro-democracy activist Aung San Suu Kyi after she was visited by an American.

However, there is a good chance people may have heard about this event if they read or watch BBC News as opposed to Fox News’ coverage of Trump defending Miss California’s homophobic remarks.

Next time I have a sick week, I might miss out on a chance to make a wise crack about the apocalypse. But on the bright side, I will be relaxing with a cold one like so many to watch the world burn.