Fashion is becoming progressively more bizarre and absurd. Here, we at La Voz hope to take a look into what not to wear on campus in true absurdist fashion.

Someone else’s shoes

I don’t care that you want an excuse to judge someone: They’re not going to fit well, no matter how many miles you walk in them. Also, it’s kind of gross.

Leopard print

It’s universal, but also ethically inhumane. Slaughtering leopards so as to mass produce eye-sore handbags and phone cases is morally inexcusable, and you’re a bad person for owning any.

Spandex

It causes cancer. Not because of any chemical interaction with your skin, but rather in the eyes of those forced to look at you.

Uggs

This is really only included so we could print a pun about how they’re Ugg-ly.

A thinking cap

Your exasperated professor was using a metaphor. Don’t actually wear one, people will jeer.

Denim on denim

There are rumors of new legislation that would have any caught in a Canadian tuxedo put to death. We support this theoretical measure on deontological grounds.

Crocs

It is a quite frankly terrible idea to wear live reptilian killing machines on your feet, and we at La Voz hope the reason why it is such is readily apparent.

Neo-reactionary political philosophies

Enough said. We can see it in your eyes, man.

Your heart on a sleeve

I just can’t love another after what happened last time. All that… fluid.

Snake skin

An immediate sign of poor taste, snakeskin should, of course, be replaced by the far more trendy human skin. Look for locally sourced products kept free range without the use of growth hormones.